C.W. Supremes - Conservs abandon core principles to impose political protection, not equal protection. Florida - No wonder Dave Barry and Carl Hiaasen are so funny. All they have to do is write it down. G.W. Bush + A win is a win even if it’s tainted by Banana Republicans. Now unite us. Al Gore = Finally finds his groove in classy, heartfelt concession speech. But it’s a long way to ‘04. D. Cheney + Now Bush is only a heartbeat away from really being president. J. Lieberman = His prayers go unanswered, but at least he’s got a job and a place to live. R. Nader - The CW goes out on a limb: No invite to Democratic National Convention in ‘04. J. Bush - Old: RFK-like clout with W. New: “You gotta let me go to the Inauguration! I’m his brother!” K. Harris = Florida secretary of State a future ambassador? And it shouldn’t be to Chad. Poppy Bush + Gets his revenge – and his old job back, minus the media and Japanese banquets. D. Boies = Y2K’s Lawyer of the Year gains big buzz. Almost as big as Judge Judy. D.K. Goodwin + America’s historian soothingly explains it all to us. Take a hint, Chris Matthews. FOX News - New motto: “Bush cousin reports, we decide who wins Florida.” Thanks, Rupert. B. Clinton + The real winner: His VP wins popular vote and he escapes accountability for coming bust. H. Clinton + She’s rich, victorious – and independent? CW sez: Do Senate listening tour. R. Crowe + Hunk of the year shines in “Gladiator,” then steals Meg Ryan. What a swordsman! T. Woods + PGA execs compain he thinks he’s bigger than golf. Guess what: He is. Dot-Coms - Old: You’re an idiot not to quit your job and join one. New: Is this a resume from Jeff Bezos? B. Spears + Nymphet being called the next Madonna. Just what we need: “Shanghai Surprise II.” Razor Scooter = Fad of the year provides zippy fun for kids, parents and ER doctors. Napster + Even if it’s shut down, has changed the music biz forever. Bonus: Metallica hates it. W. Shatner - Wall Street finally named its own price for Priceline. Next ad: The Doors’ “The End.” E. Gonzalez + Did it really happen? Marisleysis, vigils, commando raid? Oh yeah, It’s Florida, Jake. Microsoft - Judge orders company split in half, then stock price splits in half. Will W delete the case? R. Philbin + Rege’s best stroke? (a) “Millionaire” (b) the clothes (c) his contract (d) what’s-her-name leaves. Airlines - Flight delays even worse than Tom DeLay. Let’s give ’em all frequent liar-miles. R. Hatch + If the CW sees this guy naked one more time, we’ll go to a desert island. Y2K - Old: The Day the World Shuts Down. New: Never mind. Tuna fish, anyone? A. Rodriguez + Gets $252 million to play in the stadium that W built. But will W get him a big tax cut? H. Potter + “Goblet” lived up to monster hype. Harry’s tops, but will movie kill the mystique? D. Miller + Mouthy “MNF” know-it-all really does know it all – or at least as much as Heraclitus on PCP. K. Couric + Queen of a.m. has new beau, new do(s) and ratings to die for. Eat your heart out, Brian. Wen Ho Lee = Guilty? Who knows? but FBI, N.Y. Times blew the case and crippled Los Alamos. Sony PS2 = Is PlayStation mania because the game console is so great, or because it’s so hard to get one? Williams + Superbuff duo took women’s Sisters tennis to a higher court. The men’s game? Zzzz. S. Case + AOL honcho bought old-media company while his new-media stock still soared. Just in time. Firestone - Even the Michelin Man feels bad for you. CW sez: Switch business to rubber duckies? Eminem = Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? The CW loves the humor, hates the hate. Olympics - Before, we remembered Korbut, Spitz, Flo-Jo. This time, all we remember is low ratings. R. Downey, Jr. - Proof positive that drugs aren’t a laughing matter. He really needs a Happy New Year.
